Saying Goodbye

This past weekend we traveled to St. George, Utah. We said our goodbyes to Grandma Tutu (Grandma Taylor to me). It was a tough weekend but even though I had to say goodbye to Grandma it was so nice to see all of my family in once place. We cried together but we also had the chance to talk, share memories and laugh at all of the wonderful times we had been blessed with.

While the details of the weekend aren’t fuzzy, its not something that I want to describe in great detail. Some things need to remain sacred to me and this is one of those moments  Grandma’s services were beautiful and my Dad gave a wonderful eulogy. Very befitting of my Grandma’s personality and the things that she loved the most. His words allowed me to think about the person, woman, wife, mother and grandmother that she was. So instead of writing about the weekend, I would like to write about Grandma.
Grandma Taylor (Grace Leila) like all of my grandparents, holds a very special place in my heart. My childhood memories are full of special moments with her. Driving up to Provo to spend a few weeks of the summer at her house. She would let me help her take care of her little canary Peetie and keep her little dog Penny busy and very entertained. Countless hours were spent out in her backyard playing. It was almost a given that we would end up playing in the water or with the clown water toy that she had. I would always help her in her garden too. We would have dinners and BBQ’s out back and at night we would hunt for night crawlers to use for fishing trips up at Deer Creek or along Provo River. In later years she moved to St. George but the memories continued on as we grew older.

If there is one thing that is consistent with those memories its family. Grandma loves her family very much and having them all in one house made her very happy. If someone was coming to visit she did her best to make sure others would come too. There were several Thanksgiving celebrations in which the entire Taylor family was together. Now for those that don’t know, my dad is one of six children. With each of those children having their own children (my cousins) there were a lot of bodies in one house. On several occasions Thanksgiving dinner (which we generally celebrated on Friday not Thursday to make sure everyone made it) involved close to thirty people, maybe more. It may have been chaos but it made Grandma’s heart soar. The table in the basement was huge and the childrens’ table was crowded with a lot of little hands. If the kids weren’t eating they were putting on plays and shows for the adults. Not too long after, great-grandchildren were added to the mix and the family expanded further. Family was a core part of Grandma’s life and she certainly had a lot of family to share her love with.

Another core piece of Grandma’s life was her faith. She is Mormon and very proud of it. While I am not, as a child she would teach me small things that a little one could understand. One thing I treasured was a tape and book of children’s hymns. I remember some of them to this day. As I grew up she would talk to me more about the church. I know at certain points, Grandma was misunderstood when it came to her faith and her passion to share it with others and I know when I was a young teen I misinterpreted her intentions. While I never joined the church as she would have hoped and I often found it hard to tell her that I was happy with the faith that I belonged to, I grew to appreciate all that she told me and did for me.

The last time I stayed and visited with her we talked late into the night. She shared with me the moment when my Grandpa, who had suffered a stroke and passed several years after his stroke, told her that he wanted to be baptized into the church and that he wanted to be sealed with my Grandma for all eternity. I think this was something she had been waiting to hear for so long. When she told me this story, she told it with tears in her eyes but they were not tears of sadness but of joy. It was one of the only times I had ever seen her cry. It was a moment that brought her so much joy and I think it gave her peace to know that when her time came, she would see him again. After talking I finished getting ready for bed and as I settled in I could hear Grandma saying her prayers. She prayed for her family and prayed for me and the girls as we traveled home. She prayed for Shaun and I and for the happiness that she could see between us to continue on for eternity. I could hear the love and comfort in her voice. Not just for me but for her faith, for God and for her family. I have the utmost respect and appreciation for my Grandma, but that night it grew even more and on top of that I finally understood exactly who she was, where her love and patience came from, and in that moment I don’t think I could have loved her more.

I feel blessed to have had a moment like that with her and to have had her as such an important part of my life. Saying goodbye hasn’t been easy and I miss her so much that my heart aches. Today would have been Grandma and Grandpa’s Anniversary and I had to stop myself from picking up the phone and calling her. Even though it brings me to tears I know that she finally gets to celebrate and enjoy another anniversary with the man she loved so much. She is at peace now and I am sure will be watching over all of us. I know she would want me to grieve but then pick myself up and be happy. She would want me to move forward and always remember that she is there with me either in spirit or through happy memories. Now is the time for saying goodbye but I know we will see one another again, someday.

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